Monday, December 17, 2012

Tiga Tahun Lalu


When talk about love...  jap.. ni bukan blog dulu-dulu meroyan cakap omputeh. Tapi kesah dulu2 yang aku nak paste-kan bawah ni, menjadi lembaran yang membuatkan aku takut nak terlalu rapat dengan siapa-siapa. Terutamanya orang yang rupa-rupanya bakal cenderung mereka-reka cerita memburukkan kita, sebaik sahaja menyedari kita tak berhasil menjadi miliknya. 

Awalnya konfesi malam itu, habis segala kawan-kawan yang ada diburuk-burukkan semata-mata mahukan perhatian kita. " Kawan-kawan yang ni, kawan-kawan yang tu semua nak kawan ngan kita sebab duit je. Sebab kita tengah ada duit." Ololololololo. Bila menyedari aku tak berhajat menjadi pacarnya dalam konfesi berdua atas tempat berpanorama indah itu, aku pulak dituduh mengikis duitnya, pada kawan-kawan yang dahulunya kemain diburukkannya . Aku menerima persepsi buruk dari 'kawan-kawannya' itu sampai hari ni. Dan aku tidak pernah teringin meminta peluang untuk membela diri. 

Mentang-mentang takde bukti. Aku je yang dengar. Pemandangan Kuala Lumpur dari Bukit Ampang menjadi saksi bisu. Untunglah aku korek cerita ni 3 tahun kemudian. Memang aku tunggu fixed deposit ni matang pun. Sebagai renewal kepada peringatan atas diri sendiri. Agar pisang tidak berbuah dua kali.

Menyedihkan, malam itu, 23 Jun 2009, hari lahir aku ke 31. Tapi, hadiah yang aku dapat dari seorang kawan yang sering mengadu tentang kononnya kawan-kawannya , adik beradik (sistah) nya, memanfaatkan dirinya, ialah sesuatu yang mengubah pandangan aku ke atas orang dan mengubah pandangan orang ke atas aku. Besar hadiah tu kan.Sebab tu aku tak pernah lupa kecelakaan malam itu.

Di sebalik semua ini, pernahkah dia sekali dalam hidupnya memberanikan diri meminta maaf dari aku? Tiada guna mengaku mudah memaafkan orang padahal salah kau dengan orang, kau buat pekasam. Dia merasakan salah laku nya itu adalah kebenaran dalam menegakkan keegoan dia. Biarkan labu terjun dengan luncai-luncainya. Terbalik? Memang kau suka terbalik.

Jun 2009 kekal menjadi detik tercelaka dalam mengawal tindak tanduk luar kawalan kawan-kawan. Atau sekurang-kurangnya, kawan yang sorang itu. Namun bagi aku, yang lepas, biarkan lepas. Tetapi sejarah, perlu diimbas. Sebagai pengajaran agar kau tidak terpilih... kibas.


SATURDAY, JULY 4, 2009
This Is My Full Stop Note 
Well.. I had sacrifice a lot for others.. just to ensure the other people get their right that they feel like being denied... OK, now the person has got back what belongs to him.. which is.. actually never being mine at all even on any single second, .. why must I be the one should take the blame now..??  
I've learned that there is a phrase sounded like ' silent is golden '.... but when we keep our mouth shut... it only open a door for facts to be fabricated with bluff...!!
I've heard too much, and I've faced too much of childish attitude which I supposedly not encounter at this age. The super duper state of denial that rooted in anyone... might lead them into the act of blaming the person that they feel worth scapegoating..! 
Ahha. There is a word regarding maturity I did heard. But is this issue has been handled in matured way at the first place? Never! Am I the one who spill the story all over the network and give a kick start on plain'ol sedition? Neither! 
Seriously, I'm not loosing anything, not loosing anyone. I still have my friends who can give good advice but this issue supposedly to be something that not crucial enough for their advice to be sought on. 
I'm sorry of being rude... but I can't stop myself getting mad to the worst level I ever had... I might not get Noble Prize for that God damned tiny effort which is actually a preventive measure, but deep inside, I did hope for a little appreciation... Worse enough, all I get is a confronting retaliation... and slitting throat enough, I was pleaded guilty by a 'domestic court' without trial! 
I wish not to talk about this even for a single word but now the situation are crucial enough and it really calling my words of intervention. 
I've been scapegoated to an unbearable level and being said, an actor.. well.. if I would make millions.. I'm really glad to be an actor... but I don't even made a penny... and still... I'm a penniless person.. 
What about sympathize words then... on friendship... on relationship... on 'siblings'... which is now clearly a mere baseless grouses that intending an attention and for that, who was actually having the drama script written ?? 
When someone had to let go something that they feel .. only by that noble way... it will avoid harm to any relationship... should he being accused as a wrongdoer ?? In this case, yes. I'm doing unforgivable sin when I give a strong advise about the right of the righteous. The importance to love the one who love you, and love the one who cares about you at any stake. 
Okay.. the one that being skeptical must be misinformed ... but why must being way too unilateral in something that needs a good diplomatic skill... if the bilateral way is inapplicable! You don't bother to ask, I don't bother to explain. But what about turning me as a foe on one side statement which is totally made on denial basis? Wasn't it unmatured? immature? 
Oh.. say that I'm now confronting with incapable people.. yes... but i have my right here to defend myself.. because I've been lagged behind way too far and just try to react when things has turned wrong. 
Sometimes people are cussing others with words that actually suits to their own selves. I might list down here everything but I'm not going to.. but what would stop me?? 
Yes I am a human.. and you are a human too.. but the comparison might irrelevant when everyone knew how to adapt things but not either me or you.. 
Scores of words that should be in our circumference is now spilling out rapidly from your side ... and I cant stop myself to spill it out too... to make it balance... and now, there'll be two version which is one attacking and one is defending... lucky enough, i never wish to attack.. because that is so not me.. 
It hurts when your effort to educate, was badly replied with negative retaliation... It hurts even more when a bare simple lesson was taken seriously like apocalyptic happenings.,, thus, turned a bland situation into the sour one.. 
I've told to those who willing to be close to me like brothers, that I wouldn't take them as a friend anymore when delivering advice... why on earth someone ever dare to be one... when they actually unfit at all? Why don't just be a friend? Some are knowing me very well but some are not at all but they pretend like one. 
I just can't imagine how my sole little brother that I've advised personally, strongly, in tearful emotion, can accept that it is my right to lend him an advisory dictation... in a brotherly manner.. But now, I can't imagine that someone with shallow comprehension on this conceptuality is now confronting me in a rude manner... Well, thanks. That was doubtfully the first and definitely the last. 
So, if the damned retaliation would inspire happiness in the relationship of the whom it may concern, keep it up. Truth remain as truth.. When it come the moment, it will revealed. 
Now is my turn to set a full stop right after the coming up 'r' letter.

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